I recently wrote an article about the importance of social support for new mothers after a baby is born. Baby blues is a condition that affects most new mothers as hormonal changes, sleep deprivation, and the sense of responsibility in caring for a new life all take their toll. However, some mothers are particularly vulnerable at this time. Studies have identified a number of risk factors for developing postpartum depression, which is a serious form of clinical depression that can affect mothers in the first months after a baby is born. The one that puts expat mothers at especial risk is the potential lack of social support during this vulnerable time. Lack of social support has been identified as one of the risk factors that are not only correlated with postpartum depression, but may actually cause it. In my experience, the biggest problem is that some mothers tend to underestimate the demands a new baby will place on them, and so do not prepare in advance for the help they will need. Since most of a new mother’s energy and time will be taken up by caring for her baby, somebody else needs to take care of everything else she used to do, from work, errands, shopping, older children, etc. Attempting to keep on meeting these responsibilities after the birth of a baby as if nothing had changed is a one-way ticket towards frustration and possibly depression. Mothers who give birth in a foreign country are especially vulnerable, since they may be far removed from their families and may not have had time yet to develop a network of friends who could help.

To read more about how to identify postpartum depression, how to recognize risk factors, how to prevent or treat it, read my article entitled Expat Moms at Higher Risk for Postpartum Depression.

Miscarriage, losing a baby can be a very sad, frightening and lonely experience, exacerbated by being in a foreign country.

You are not alone!

The purpose of this group is to bring together women who have lost a baby, to provide support, information and guidance during this difficult time.

When: TIME CHANGE! Next group will be November 17th, from 7 pm to 9 pm

Where: II. Szilágyi Erzsébet fasor 43/b, 3rd floor #3, Életkör buzzer. (Map)

By public transportation: Városmajor utca stop on the 61 or 59 tram.

Parking: Free on Trombitás utca, behind the Körszálló (circular hotel).

Hosted by: Réka Morvay, psychologist, doula and childbirth educator.

Cost: HUF 1000 / person

The very first miscarriage support group will take place this coming Tuesday, October 6th, from 7 pm to 9 pm.

Miscarriage, losing a baby can be a very sad, frightening and lonely experience, exacerbated by being in a foreign country.

You are not alone!

The purpose of this group is to bring together women who have lost a baby, to provide support, information and guidance during this difficult time.

When: First Tuesday of every month, 7 pm to 9 pm

Where: II. Szilágyi Erzsébet fasor 43/b, 3rd floor #3, Életkör buzzer.  (Map)

By public transportation: Városmajor utca stop on the 61 or 59 tram.

Parking: Free on Trombitás utca, behind the Körszálló (circular hotel).

Hosted by: Réka Morvay, psychologist, doula and childbirth educator.

Cost: HUF 1000 / person

PLEASE NOTE:

Miscarriage, losing a baby can be a very sad, frightening and lonely experience, exacerbated by being in a foreign country.

You are not alone!

The purpose of this group is to bring together women who have lost a baby, to provide support, information and guidance during this difficult time.

When: TIME CHANGE! Next group will be on November 17th, from 7 pm to 9 pm

Where: II. Szilágyi Erzsébet fasor 43/b, 3rd floor #3, Életkör buzzer.  (Map)

By public transportation: Városmajor utca stop on the 61 or 59 tram.

Parking: Free on Trombitás utca, behind the Körszálló (circular hotel).

Hosted by: Réka Morvay, psychologist, doula and childbirth educator.

Cost: HUF 1000 / person

PLEASE NOTE:

Relationships often snag on parties’ emotional needs not being met. It may be boring nuts-and-bolts work to try to figure out which emotional needs are going unfulfilled, but it’s worth the effort because it may give you key information to actually remedy the situation, as opposed to just wallowing in it. When your emotional needs go unmet for a long time, your relationship may start to falter, and the love fade. If you figure out what your emotional needs are, and which ones are most important to you, you actually give your partner a chance at meeting these needs. To be fair, though, you’d have to put in some effort to meet your partner’s most important emotional needs, too!

Below is a list of major emotional needs in romantic relationships. The ones not being met will probably jump out at you. If you would like a more detailed description and/or appraisal of these major emotional needs and how they are being met by your partner, you can download a questionnaire. This questionnaire also helps you prioritize these needs and identify which ones are not being fulfilled.

Affection

A desire for the expression of warmth, caring, and love from your partner.

Sexual fulfillment

Having the kind of sexual contact that you want, when you want it, and as often as you want it.

Conversation

Good conversations are used to inform and investigate each other, talking about topics of mutual interest and are balanced between the two partners while they have each other’s undivided attention.

Recreational companionship

Doing things together that you both enjoy.

Honesty and openness

The desire for accurate information about your partner’s thoughts, feelings, habits, likes, dislikes, personal history, daily activities and plans for the future.

Physical attractiveness

The desire for your partner to be physically attractive to you.

Financial support

The desire for financial security from your partner.

Domestic support

The need for a peaceful, well-managed home environment.

Family commitment

A desire for your partner to be involved in the care and education of your children.

Admiration

The desire to be affirmed by words or actions.

Adapted from www.marriagebuilders.com.

Moving to a new country can be both exciting and extremely stressful at the same time. Couples are bound to encounter problems abroad that may test the mettle of their relationship. A major life change such as relocating to a new country may include stressors such as:

• Culture shock: encountering a whole new language, and a whole new way of getting the most mundane things done. Nothing is familiar, the learning curve is high. Frustration abounds when you figure out you don’t even know how to buy groceries, pay your bills or find a mechanic.

• Separation from your familiar support system: Extended family, friends, community activities you love are all far away.

• For the employed partner: The corporate culture shock,  having to adjust to a foreign business practice which may bewilder, frustrate or madden. Or all of the above.

• For the accompanying partner: Having to invent and organize a whole new life for yourself. This is often particularly distressing your have given up a job or career to make the move possible, and become financially dependent on your partner.

The accompanying partners are often the ones most vulnerable to the stressors of moving abroad. For them, there is a real danger of losing their sense of identity and usefulness, feeling like sacrificial victims, and spinning into a depression which can last anywhere from 6 to 18 months before they begin to find and invest in new outlets. Unfortunately, the working partner, dragged down by the unhappiness of the other, may seek refuge in an outside relationship, thus compounding an already distressing situation.

There are many couples who land on their feet and are only minimally destabilized by the changes to which they must adjust. A certain number of them even decide to live abroad permanently.

You need to assess your couple’s strength and resilience, both of which will be sorely tested for at least a year following relocation. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that an overseas move will help a faltering relationship find new life. It is more likely to stretch it to breaking point. Here are some questions you should ask yourself:

• Do you and your partner have good communication and conflict-solving skills?

• Are you able to function independently in the absence of your social support network?

• If you are the accompanying partner, are you ready and willing to take a break from your career, from your identity as a professional and as a wage earner, and take on the role of a full time domestic and parent?

• Are you and your partner flexible, curious, open to new experiences, and not too demanding or rigid about how things should be?

If your answers to these questions are closer to yes than to no, you will probably find your move abroad to be both enriching and enjoyable in the long run. Have faith in your own strengths and use the many resources which exist here to help yourself and others like you through those early, tough moments.

(Adapted from http://www.parisvoice.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=89&Itemid=27)